Last Friday, I woke up with a heavy feeling in my heart and I instantly knew it was going to be a challenging day. I knew my anxiety was flaring up and that for some reason I fell back into square 3 -not a full on panic attack and not suicidal-, just a really heavy feeling of anxiety.I decided to keep going with my day and try to embrace the anxiety, at this point I had already used a lot of my sick days at work and I didn’t want to get in trouble. That afternoon I went to my dream job interview, I was excited and figured the anxiety had to do with doing an interview while trying to recover from my panic attacks.

I started the interview a little bit shaky and getting really nervous, I couldn’t seem to concentrate. Suddenly, towards the end of the interview, I start getting all the physical symptoms of anxiety. My heart was racing, I had a feeling of shock waves going up and down my spine, and the worst: depersonalization. I felt defeated, it took all of my energy to finish the interview. Needless to say, I wasn’t my best, nor did I show my full potential. I can barely remember the end of the interview and what we talked about.

After I left the place, I got in my car, cried, calmed down, drove back home, threw a 30 minute pity party, and walked the dog. I knew setbacks were part of the process, but it was so frustrating it happened at the worst moment possible.

The path to anxiety and panic recovery is not a linear path. What that means is that you will have a period of time where you start feeling great, and all of a sudden, you go a couple of steps backwards. In my case, after that day of anxiety, I’ve been waking up pretty anxious in the middle of the night and with racing thoughts. There is no way around setbacks, they will come and they will go. What is most important is that you prepare for them and be patient. The road to recovery is a long one, and it takes many turns.

I know this is not what you want to hear, trust me, I am not happy with this part of the process when I wake up at three in the morning thinking about 10,000 things at once and my heart pumping fast. Instead of looking at the setbacks in a negative way, reframe them as something positive -as hard as that may be-. For example: Setbacks are a great way to practice cognitive behavioral therapy and your response to anxiety.

What are setbacks?

Setbacks are the return of the physical symptoms of anxiety after you were feeling better. They are frustrating because you thought you were finally getting your life back and suddenly you start feeling those dreadful symptoms again. Setbacks will make you question if therapy is working, if you’re ever going to be the same, or if you’re doing something wrong. Rest assured that therapy is indeed working, you will be yourself again, and you’re doing things right.

Something that made me realize that I was still in the right path was that this time around, I knew how to handle my symptoms better. I knew to look at the panic attack straight in the eye and not let it take control over me. As debilitating as the setback is, I was still more in control over it.

How to reframe and handle setbacks?

Take the setback as a learning experience. This is the perfect moment to put in practice what you’ve learned through CBT. It is a great moment to challenge yourself in your meditation practice, see how long you can meditate during a setback.

Knowledge is power, read as much as you can about anxiety recovery, and learn about setbacks. Understand that they are an important part of the recovery process, understand that you have to work through it, and that it is not here to stay forever.

Keep pushing yourself to do the things you were confident doing when you started feeling better -even if you’re not feeling that confident right now-. After my first panic attack I was so scared of driving, that I would avoid it at all cost. Once I started feeling better I faced my fear and was back in the driver seat going everywhere by myself, but when the setback hit I felt like I was getting nervous around driving again. I didn’t let that stop me, I pushed myself to keep driving -started with small distances and then longer ones-, and even though I was still in my setback period, I was in control of what I could do. Once you take the power and control from anxiety, no matter how many setbacks you have, you are still progressing towards full recovery.

I know it feels like you’re losing war, but remember it’s just a battle, and overall you’re doing so much better. Remember that you will get through this and that you are wanted in this world.

I keep reminding myself of this every single day, and sometimes it’s hard to understand. But we’re not alone.